April is Autism Awareness month. I tell you this, because Autism is a word that is used on a daily basis in my house. My 2 year old son, Jon, may have an Autism Spectrum Disorder. Gosh, it’s hard for me to even type those words.
Our journey with Autism started March 2006. It was the first week of Spring, and we were pushing Jon-Jon in his swing outside. He loves to swing. My husband and I were casually talking about how Jon seems to be behaving differently. Then, out of the blue, I had this sickening feeling in the bottom of my stomach and a tear rolled down my cheek as I asked my husband “What if he is Autistic?” Then I just stood there, looking at my precious boy, and I started to pray that I was wrong. Oh, how I wanted to be wrong. I did some research on Autism that night. I wanted to make sure I had all of my facts straight before I went to his doctor with this. The facts were over whelming. I printed out all the different materials and we started to highlight the symptoms that matched our son. By the end of the night, we were staring at a piece of paper that had 17 out of 28 symptoms/charcterstics highlighted in yellow. The next morning, I called Jon’s doctor for an appointment. We were referred to a behavioral specialist in Nashville. It was 3 months before we could get in. The next 3 months were full of fears and anticipation and questions with no answers.
Jon had his first evaluation for an ASD in June 2006. We were there for almost 5 hours. And the results came back as inconclusive. They said Jon-Jon had some definate red flags, but could not be diagnosed because of his young age. But they were worried enough to want him to start therapy right away. By August 2006, we were full swing with speech and occupational therapy. We love our therapists, they are so great with Jon. He has made some progress with speech. He has a small vocabulary of single words, but he says them a lot more than he used to. That’s great improvement! His occupational therapy is another story. Progress is slow with OT. But progress is being made.
Jon’s therapists and social worker all agreed that he needs to be re-evaulated for an ASD sooner rather than later. But it is a looong waiting list to see the psychologists. We do not get to go until August of this year. They said though, that since Jon is older that we should be able to get a clear diagnosis one way or another. I hate waiting. I hate not knowing.
Sometimes, I look at my son, and think that he is just a typical 2 year old boy. Nothing is wrong. Then other times, it seems so appearent that there is somthing there. My heart breaks when he goes into hour long meltdowns and will not let me even touch him or hold him. Sometimes, I feel as if I have failed Jon as his mom. A mom is supposed to pick up the peices when your world falls apart. But he shuts himself out and won’t let us help him when he gets to that level of frustration and anger. But, I stay srong in front of him. I reassure him that mommy is right here and mommy loves you. As long as he understands that he is loved, everything else will be ok. The best part of my day is when Jon gives me hugs and kisses. That makes it all worth it.
Our faith in God is what keeps us strong. I pray every night that we can find the answers to this mysterious disorder. That we can find the answers we need to help our son. That one day, a cure will be discovered for ASD.
I love it when I do get him to look at the camera. I love his big bright eyes. There is so much wonder in those baby blues of his. I can sit here for hours just staring into those eyes.
by Angela Crutcher
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